Messing Up Neat Little Boxes
April 10th, 2012THE Authority on Fashion interviews HiP
January 9th, 2012Helena and I were recently interviewed by Robin Wilding who is putting together a website which she anticipates will be “THE authority for aspiring fashion designers”. The website for this article is: http://www.fashion-schools.org/articles/handsome-pink-creators-jo-hadley-and-helena-simon-share-how-they-took-matters-their-own-han. We thought you might enjoy reading the interview!
Handsome in Pink Creators Jo Hadley and Helena Simon Share How They Took Matters Into Their Own Hands
Written by Robin Wilding December 28, 2011
The amount of accidental designers that we have encountered during our Interview Series is incredible. Equally as incredible is the amount of people called to the fashion industry by an innate desire to improve on what is currently being designed.
Jo Hadley and Helena Simon both felt that calling, to design fashion that they felt the industry was missing. Friends since kindergarten the two are now mothers and feel that children’s fashion is too limiting. Their venture, Handsome in Pink (HiP), blends the gender lines by believing that “pink can be masculine, blue can be feminine, and exciting rough and tumble imagery belongs to boys and girls alike!”
This gender image blending philosophy isn’t willy nilly though, its solid science as Helena holds a Masters degree in Child Development and Jo has a Masters in Social Work. These are two smart cookies. And their children’s clothing line is now almost 5 years old—and going strong.
We recently got a chance to sit down with the Masters graduates-turned moms-turned fashion designers, and we got to know what their experiences in the industry have been like, including their successes and failures:
What inspired you to get into the fashion industry?
Jo: I did it for my son! Four years ago, when he was 2 1/2 years old, he fell in love with the colors pink and purple and wanted to wear nothing but those colors. Adorned in his pinks and purples, he was assumed to be a girl wherever he went. After a short while, he started getting confused, and I started getting tired of the clothes options out there. I searched high and low for pink and purple clothes with a masculine feel, but found nothing!
So I decided to take matters into my own hands and create clothes for him (and pink boys we knew like him) in pinks and purples with his favorite activities and images at the time: electric guitars, rocket ships, and motorcycles! I thought up the perfect name for the clothes line: “Handsome in Pink” and quickly recruited my artistic/fashion oriented best friend, Helena Marsala, to join me in this business venture.
What is your focus within the industry?
Jo: Our focus in the past 4 years has been on spreading our Handsome in Pink “gospel” which is “wear what you like— like who you are”. We want kids and adults to feel empowered by our clothes! We have also been focused on making more designs and messages on our shirts.
What type of education did it take to get you where you are today?
Jo: I would have to start with growing up in the 70’s era of Marlo Thomas’ record album “Free to Be You and Me”. I listened to that record over and over again as a kid. I adored the message that boys and girls are free to be exactly who they are!
I have a Masters degree in Social Work. Helena has a Masters degree in Early Child Education. So we definitely have the degrees to back up our ideas around advocating for children and meeting them where they are at. But more important than our formal education is the passion we feel for the cause; I think that is what keeps our business going! I lay awake in bed at night thinking up new ideas and messages for our clothing. Helena probably lays awake at night thinking of what brooch she should pin on her coat or what color she should paint her room. She
has always been extremely artistic and I think that runs in her genes– and thank goodness for that or we wouldn’t have the cute, fashionable clothes we have.
How has your career path progressed over the years?
Jo: When I conceived of the idea of Handsome in Pink, I very much had in mind this niche group of people I wanted to reach: boys (and men) who like pink. But very quickly I realized there was someone I was forgetting: girls and women! My daughter, who is a year and a half older than my son, absolutely loved the Handsome in Pink apparel. She, too, wanted to wear it every day! I quickly realized girls in our society have been pushed into pink frills and flowers on their clothes and a lot of them wanted more interesting and active imagery. In the past
year, we have really moved into the “Girl Power” movement and have created
more shirts with messages such as “Forget Princess, call me President.”
But another way my career path has progressed is I’ve realized that in our two person business where one of us is the fashionista queen, the other one of us (that’s me) needs to be on top of marketing, accounting, filling orders, tracking supplies, research, maintaining the website, etc. It has been a huge education for me learning how to run a business. I’ve made too many mistakes to count on one hand… okay, or even two hands.
What is your favorite part of working in the fashion/design business?
Jo: I have a couple favorite parts. First, I love when inspiration hits. I remember last year thinking about the expression “Girly Girl” and how that described an ultra-feminine weak character. I wanted to reinvent the expression. I wanted to have a tough blue shirt that had Girly Girl written on there with a different story about Girly Girls. This Girly Girl was going to love being outside climbing trees and fishing. She was going to be strong, artistic, musical, intellectual, and athletic! And that’s exactly what Helena and I created!
My other favorite part of the business is receiving emails from happy customers telling their story and why the particular clothes items they bought from us fit the bill so well for them or their children. And I adore when they include a photo of our shirts or onesies or dresses in action!
What advice would you give to aspiring fashionistas?
Jo: Get out there, listen to your instincts, and don’t be afraid to put your heart and soul into the clothes you make. Also, know you’ll make lots of mistakes and that’s okay!
What school(s) does your company generally recruit new hires from?
Jo: We are still a small business. We are hoping to attract a high school intern from our high school alma mater to help us out with marketing this spring.
Do you think there is an overall increasing or decreasing need for people
in the fashion industry?
Jo: In my experience, the economy dictates the increasing or decreasing need for people in the fashion industry. Helena and I started our business at the end of 2007, right as the “Great Recession” really took hold. It’s hard for folks to justify spending money on a non-Target t-shirt when they are financially stressed. I remember going to trade shows where we spent $200 to have a table there and then made 3 sales the whole day! Talk about discouraging! But when you hit a nerve and are able to have your clothes reflect the fashion wave of the times (or the political wave or the wave of what people are talking about), then sales go up even despite hard times.
Which roles in the fashion industry do you think will offer the best career
opportunities moving forward? eg. designer, PR, entrepreneur, etc.?
Jo: You know, recently, I was listening to an interview with Walter Isaacson, who is the author of Steve Jobs’ recent biography. He is also the author of biographies on Albert Einstein, Henry Kissinger, and Benjamin Franklin. Isaacson was asked what these four men had in common. He replied that they were all very bright. But being intelligent isn’t enough in this world. They were all also deeply creative thinkers. They were all able to get out of the mainstream ways of thinking about things and solving problems. I think Isaacson’s answer applies to all arenas,
including fashion. The best career opportunities are for the people who see a space for themselves and create an opportunity. It sure helps if you have a good head for business!
What designer(s) or brand(s) influenced you the most as a creative
professional?
Jo: I’m always a fan of clothes that are new and different. I was recently at the Ashland farmer’s market with my husband and we couldn’t get over all of the gorgeous clothes booths. There was a woman turning blue jeans into blue jean skirts with magnificent nature patterns. But hey, I’m no fashionista. Better ask Helena…
Helena: Personally, I am inspired by clothes and costumes designed for period movies, the theater and the ballet. I also have a great appreciation for a wide range of designers such as Gabrielle Chanel, Paul Poiret, Cristobal Balenciaga and Sarah Burton. Each has influenced me in a different way – I could talk to you for days about it, but I’ll hold my tongue since there are three more questions I still have to answer!
Do you think today’s jobs in the fashion industry require more of an
artist’s touch or business-like ruthlessness?
Jo: I want to say artist’s touch just because I’m an optimist. I don’t know how ruthless one has to be, but like I said, having a strong business sense is extremely important as well.
Helena: I think one needs to be both creative and business-savvy in order to succeed in the fashion industry. The old adage, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” comes to my mind. You can create the most original, well-made, fabulous garment ever, but it you don’t pluck up the courage to step outside and knock on every door until you get a buyer, that dress will remain in the studio on its hanger forever.
Which skills do you consider to be most critical for a career in fashion?
Jo: Having confidence and being bold enough to get out there and create clothes and start selling them. You really have to just put yourself out there and be mentally prepared to not take off flying right away. It’s okay to sell at farmer’s markets or trade shows in the beginning— maybe always. You might be discovered which would be very exciting, but you might not.
Helena: I feel strongly that you need to believe in your product. It’s important to surround yourself by designers and wares that inspire and energize you, but you should always follow your own instincts when it comes to forging your own career in fashion. Make what YOU love and success will come.
What do you think the future of fashion and design holds?
Jo: I imagine flying dresses and pants. Just put them on, press the fly button, and off you go, into the sky! I’m just kidding. I have no idea. Who knows? Maybe body art will take off and people will just go Burning Man style and paint their nude bodies with interesting designs. Then we’d all be out of work!
Helena: I anticipate the use of new fabrics and natural dyes that are earth-friendly with minimal harm to the environment. I’d also love to see the return of the chapeau. I live to see which hat Margaret Schroeder is wearing each week on HBO’s Boardwalk Empire. The craftsmanship alone!
Check out more interviews at The Fashion-Schools.org Interview Series.
Drama at the HiP Headquarters
July 29th, 2011Everyone loves a little drama, especially when it’s not their own. Well, here’s the latest Handsome in Pink drama for you to chew on. Are you ready?… Here it is… it’s a little embarassing… but we were fired. How could HiP possibly be fired you might wonder. Who can fire us? We are our own bosses! That is true, and yet we were fired by our screen printers. That’s right, the people who we pay to screen print all of those beautiful, non-toxic, water-based images on our tees. We will not name names. But we have worked with one and only one screen printing company, based in our own hometown of Oakland, since the very beginning.
If you revisit my blog entitled “the Social Worker Starts A Business”, you will remember that we (er..I) made every mistake in the book in starting up this business. I won’t go back into all of that. But our screen printers certainly did not help matters. I remember at our first Holiday craft fair, my business partner Helena and I were unloading tees to display at our booth. We were so giddy and nervous being our first public event and all… didn’t even have a HiP website yet. But as we unloaded our tees, we saw that a handful of them had what looked to be skid marks on them. We couldn’t imagine how those marks had gotten on our shirts that hadn’t been touched since we picked them up at the screen printers. But I hadn’t gone through each shirt at pick up and had assumed that if the ones on top were good, they were all good. (Never a good assumption.)
Since it had been a couple weeks since we had picked up our shirts from the screen printers, when we called them about the skid marks, they said it had been too long since we had picked them up for them to take responsibility for damage— after all, we could have driven over them with our car!
Now we were already displeased with the screen printers because we felt we had not been properly informed about the pink brightness factor in their “house pink” that we had used on the majority of our first order of tees. But, speaking of bright pink, Tickled Bib, anyone? You could be the first customer ever to order one! They are very soft and organic and even have Handsome in Pink printed on the other side of the bib! They will be a collector’s item someday so please buy one while you can 
)
We should have stopped our relationship with the screen printers at this point in the game. But for some reason unbeknownst to me, we did not heed to the red flags. And the situation did not improve. As we continued to put in new orders, the shirts were coming back with different subtle and not-so-subtle oopsy daisies from burn holes(!) to smears of ink on the insides of shirts that showed through the shirt, to smears of ink on the outside of the shirt.
This is all leading up to our final encounter with these screen printers. I was heading in to pick up our newest addition to the Handsome in Pink family, the “Forget Princess, Call Me President” tees. There was a new employee at our screen printers who helped me when I arrived. When he asked for my payment, I told him that “I did not want to pay for mess ups, and there were often mess ups. I would need to check the tees before I paid.” That was the entire interaction. It actually felt friendly to me. I did check the tees and they looked great! I was so relieved. I paid the bill and went home.
A couple days later, I received an email saying that due to my comment to their new employee, and our “somewhat rollar coaster-y relationship”, (our history of us not wanting to pay for their messups and them wanting us to pay), they did not want to do business with us anymore. I knew this guy was right that it was time for us to switch screen printers, but was my comment to his employee that controversial? I returned his email verifying what my comment was that he was so insulted by and indeed, with an angrier email, I was told it was about the mess ups comment in front of a new employee.
I called Helena and told her we were fired. She was quiet for a moment. And then asked me, “Do you think they would have had the same reaction if we were men?” I thought she raised a good question. Are men given more elbow room to communicate directly and advocate for themselves and their businesses than women? Did Handsome in Pink experience some good ol’ fashioned sexism? Or are we just too whiny to work with? Who knows?
Finally, to bring you up to speed with things. We are currently about to try a new screenprinter! Oaklandish makes these awesome Oakland, CA tees and they have just started a screenprinting company called Corsair. So we are going for it. Our “Call Me President” tees for older kids should be coming out next week and our fingers are crossed that Oaklandish is our new screen printers! Stay tuned…
The Mixed Messages of My Youth: The Brady Bunch versus Free To Be You And Me
July 14th, 2011
Today was my daughter Ani’s 8th birthday! I let her do many things she wanted to do today just because… One thing she was very excited to do first thing in the morning was watch 3 episodes back-to-back of The Brady Bunch. (Yes we are the proud owners of the first two seasons). I understand the draw. One episode is never quite enough!
When I think back to my own girlhood in the 70’s, many memories come to mind. I don’t know why, but that Easy Bake Oven of mine and those scrumptious frosted mini cakes I could make all by myself jumps into my head immediately! It was such a shame when my next door neighbor accidentally (?) destroyed my oven when she cooked and melted the orange plastic tool that was used to remove the hot cake pan from the oven. I also have a very clear memory of playing Cops & Robbers with the kids on my street as we tore around chasing each other on our bikes. How I loved my Purple Schwinn with the banana seat, such a smooth ride. And how can I forget spending hours memorizing the intricate light up codes of my beloved electronic Simon game? What I would give to have one of those again. The 70’s were a happy time for me.
But I’ll never forget the summer after 3rd grade when I learned the Brady Bunch would not be aired in the afternoon anymore at my prime TV viewing time. I was destroyed! I truly cried my eyes out. How could I possibly last an entire summer without the Bradys? My mom even called the television station KBHK (channel 44) to reason with them about their decision. But KBHK had their reasons and I had to take the summer off from Marcia, Jan, Cindy, Greg, Peter, and Bobby. I watched the Brady Bunch religiously. I knew every episode forward, backward, and sideways. There was no Brady trivia that could slip me up.
I don’t remember exactly how I survived that Brady-less summer, but I’m sure there were many rounds of listening throughout the summer to my beloved record album: Free To Be, You and Me. I just had the whole record memorized word for word from the conversation between the girl and boy babies (“Who’s bald? Your mother or your father? Boys are bald and girls have hair”) to Atalanta the princess who defeated all her suitors (except Young John from the town) and therefore didn’t have to get married and was able to travel and explore the world, to My Cat is a Plumber to Dudley Pippin who tipped over the sandbox at school. I’ll tell you, that Free To Be album struck deep in my soul where it has remained. I have never told anyone this before and now here I go blogging about it but when my kids were a little bit younger (Okay, I still do it), I’d sing “It’s All Right to Cry” when they looked like they couldn’t quite get the waterworks going but wanted to. Such good messages on that album.
So I have begun to wonder in my adulthood and particularly in my motherhood about this obvious discrepancy between the values I was picking up from The Brady Bunch and the values I was absorbing from Free To Be You and Me. Truly, this TV show and this record album were polar opposites. Marlo Thomas and her friends created the record album as a direct antedote to shows like The Brady Bunch. And there I was, there we all were, receiving both messages and personally, not noticing.
To this day, I adore both the Bradys and Free to Be. So I have passed them both on to my kids. But sometimes I can’t believe I’m letting my kids be exposed to the Brady Bunch values. This morning, one of the three episodes we viewed was the episode where the three boys have a boys clubhouse, NO GIRLS ALLOWED! The girls are not happy and want to be allowed in the boys’ clubhouse. I can NOT believe the dialogue that ensues when the girls have temporarily taken over the boys’ clubhouse. Greg calls out in utter outrage, “Look Dad! Look what they did! Curtains! And rugs! Girls’ stuff!” Carol interjects, “I think it looks lovely.” Mike retorts, “Honey, it might be lovely for girls but not for a boys’ clubhouse!” Carol pleads with her husband, “I’m sure if the girls had a dollhouse and the boys wanted to play with it, there wouldn’t be a problem.” And here is the shocking reply by Mike Brady on good, wholesome TV viewing of the 70’s, “If my boys wanted to play in anyone’s dollhouse, I’d take them to a psychiatrist!”
OK, I mean, here you have gay Robert Reed starring as Mike Brady, the all- American straight dad making extreme homophobic statements about if his sons were into dollhouses and decorating the clubhouse! I wonder what that must have been like for him! Well, I actually do know, because I read Barry Williams’ book: Growing Up Brady, I was a Teenage Greg. I learned that Robert Reed had a terrible time with the show and was always causing a stink, allegedly because the show wasn’t realistic enough for him. (i.e. the episode where Peter discovers his identical twin). But maybe Robert was really having a hard time because he was so in the closet.
But of course there are good parts about the Bradys or we wouldn’t all be so hooked ( I guess I should just speak for myself and my kids). The shows are so peaceful. There’s no crime, no violence, the kids are relatively kind to one another, they are outside playing, and there are always good life lessons being learned. So much more benign than say Disney with their horrible scary villains!
So I think I have found a way to travel the road of moderation. I view the Brady Bunch episodes with my kids (oh twist my arm). Without fail, we have a lively discussion after each episode about things we noticed. My kids know I want them to notice the gender stereotyping examples so they sniff out all examples like hound dogs… and the examples are limitless. Each scene is rich with gender stereotyping. But the show is so rich with fodder for so many other areas to discuss: we also talk about how all friends mentioned in the show are white, and how they all have mommies and daddies. We talk about how the kids never talk about their biological parents who have died. We notice the food choices the Brady kids make and what they are offered by Alice for meals (almost entirely consisting of red meat, milk, wheat products, and sugar). We observe how they spend their free time without any computers and cell phones around.
When my kids listen to their Free to Be you and Me CD, I do not need to debrief them post listening. However, interestingly, it was recently brought to my attention at a Gender Spectrum (check them out at www.genderspectrum.org) talk that there is no room on the record album for gender other than male and female. Girls and Boys “can be anything they want to be” but at the same time, “girls can’t be fathers, and boys can’t be mothers”… oh how they didn’t realize the possibilities back then.
Perhaps it’s time for the next round of progressive cutting-edge Free to Be You and Me album to be recorded, it probably already exists. Or perhaps the time is ripe for a TV show about 6 siblings of various degrees of masculinity and femininity with gay parents, one of whom is transgendered, the other who is any ethnicity other than caucasian, who are organic, gluten-free vegans who make all sorts of positive changes in the world!?! Or somethin’ like that!
Ode to Yoda
April 25th, 2011
I know I have done a lot of blogging about my kids, and a little bit of blogging about my husband, but have I yet mentioned our cat, Yoda?!? I believe not. And what a shame; Yoda is more than worthy of a mention. Where to begin?
Yoda is a 2-year-old adventure tabby. She loves climbing trees and fences and being up high where she has a good view of the day’s opportunities. She travels through the neighborhood looking for action. Everyone knows her by name and thinks they are her personal favorite. I think she and Curious George would get along famously.
Yoda is brave; a true Jedi cat. When dogs pass her by, she does not run away in a panic. She just stands a comfortable distance away and watches them. Loud barking has no ill effect. And unlike most other cats, she has no fear of water. Each morning, she patiently waits in the bathroom outside of the shower until the water turns off. She then enthusiastically jumps in the shower to lick up the water droplets. She also takes great pleasure in licking up the runoff from garden sprinklers.
Yoda is a cuddler too. She loves to be carried around like a baby. She puts her forearms around my neck and purrs. She only does this on her own terms of course, but it’s very endearing when it happens.
Yoda has a very dry sense of humor, always the poker face, but secretly laughing inside right along with the rest of us (see photo above).
Yoda has, on occasion, spent the night out, and then brought home the friend the next day to meet the family. (My sister-in-law Jenny was very amused by how I explained to the kids “Yoda’s friend might be a boyfriend and might be a girlfriend, but cats, like humans, get to choose.” Jen now calls Yoda our lesbian cat.)
Yoda is also very low drama with seemingly little emotional baggage. Our other cat, Midnight, by comparison, is a wreck. One footstep too close to her and she flees as if a tsunami is coming. She is a fraidy cat to the core. In truth, very few people know there’s another cat living in our home because Midnight, true to her name, is always hiding out far away from the noise… only to surface when the lights are dim. And she is obsessed with food. If for any reason Midnight is missing somewhere in the house, all I need to do is open the kitty food drawer and she is there in a flash.
But getting back to the topic at hand, Yoda. What I really have been struck by is that everyone initially assumes Yoda is a “he”, a tom cat. Yoda’s fearless, adventuresome, no nonsense spirit fools them all into thinking “boy”. Now Midnight does not have that effect; people correctly assume she is a female. Imagine that! Gender stereotyping does not stop at humans!
I’ve just decided to nominate Yoda my Handsome in Pink “Girly Girl” covergirl of 2011. She is tough, smart, ready for adventure, and is truly comfortable in her skin. Plus she loves to fish and climb trees! Congratulations Yoda! Keep being exactly who you are!
A mom’s fantastic blog about her 5-year-old “gay” son!
November 5th, 2010http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/
Please read this blog! This mom rocks!
It’s utterly amazing how even on Halloween, boys, old and young alike, are expected to dress up in “masculine” or at the bare minimum, gender neutral costumes, and will get myriad comments if they decide to go out of that box.
I remember back in late October 2007, I was driving the three kid carpool to our Jewish preschool which consisted of my 2 1/2 year old son, our 3 1/2 year old little neighbor girl, and my 4-year-old daughter. Because Jews don’t observe Halloween, there would be no celebrations at their school— they’d have to wait for Purim in February, the “Jewish Halloween”– but I digress. The kids were comparing notes on their Halloween costumes. My 4 -year- old daughter proudly announced she would be going as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz. Excited chitter chatter could be heard from all three in the backseat. Next our neighbor excitedly shared that she was going as “Ha-wee Pottuh”. My children had not entered the Harry Potter world yet and had little to say on the matter. But our neighbor had enough enthusiasm for three. She gushed that her mommy was going to paint a lightening bolt on her forehead and she would carry a wand! Then it was my son’s turn to share. He matter of factly stated that he was going as Snow White! Of course his sister was entirely aware of that plan and thought nothing of it. But our neighbor, our 3 1/2 year old baby of a neighbor blurted out, “You can’t go as Snow White! She’s a girl!!!”
Now this carpool conversation happened to take place when my Handsome in Pink clothing line was merely a seed of an idea. So I had a lot of energy around this subject. I felt very protective of my son. But I remained calm and reviewed with our neighbor that she was herself a girl. And then proceeded from there, “And what is Harry Potter” I asked? “A boy” she promptly responded. But then she had to think hard about this. I could see the little wheels spinning in her head, her poor little mind just couldn’t comprehend the concept that she was already a victim of gender socialization. She just could not find the words to answer my question, “why do you think girls can dress like boys, but boys can’t dress like girls?”
My son did indeed go as Snow White for Halloween, despite the fact that he was the only one in the family not dressed in the Oz theme. My husband was the yellow brick road, I was the Wicked Witch of the West, we had Dorothy, and that handsome homemade tin man costume just sat by the front door. I have to admit, I was really proud of my boy— wouldn’t even succumb to family pressure!
Girly Girl (PART II of My Husband’s PINK Cast)
September 20th, 2010Doug’s cast isn’t the first one in our family. Last year in 1st grade, Ani fractured her arm falling off the slide at school. She, too, faced the choice of picking a cast color. She, however, consciously stayed away from pink explaining “pink is too ‘girly’, too bad orange isn’t a choice… I’m going with white.” When I inquired further about her ideas on girly, she explained girly meant “princess-y and weak”. I was surprised she felt that way about pink after being submerged in our family culture where pink is for everyone. But I was absolutely mortified that my little girl associates girly with being weak!
How did the expression “girly girl” become about weakness? And what images does “womanly” conjure up? Soft? Curvy? Baking in the kitchen? Was there a boy expression? I thought back to all the times when my kids were really little and I would hear parents talking about their toddler sons, describing them as “all boy”. “Oh yeah”, they would say, “my son is ‘all boy’; he is all about trucks and balls and running down other kids; what a rough and tumble lad.” It was indeed true: “All boy”, “boyish”, and “manly” are all associated with strength, action, and power. It just didn’t seem right for there to be such black & white thinking about feminine and masculine.
And that’s when it all came together in my head. My business, Handsome in Pink, was going to reclaim “Girly Girl” and give girls and women everywhere a different vision of what being girly really is. I spoke with my business partner, Helena, who is the artist amongst us. We decided we were going to take each letter of Girly Girl and tell a different story for girls.
The Girly Girl shirts are currently in printing and should be out and ready for the Girly Girl revolution in the next couple weeks. We are so excited! It’s the next phase of Handsome in Pink— it’s Strong, Athletic, Artistic, Intelligent Girly Girls in Blue!!! Can’t wait to wear mine!
My Husband’s PINK Cast (Part I)
September 20th, 2010
Doug is on the go!
My dear husband Doug tore a tendon in his ankle this past winter while snowboarding. Finally, last week he had an ankle surgery. As a result, he will be crutching around for the next couple months. But the fun news is he surprised the family by picking a beautiful bright pink cast– it stretches from his foot all the way up to below his knee. Our 7-year-old daughter, Ani, saw the pink cast and seemed very impressed with her papa’s color selection. She was immediately inspired to sign it. When she proudly looked up from the signing, we saw she had written “Handsome in Pink. Love, Ani.” Currently, that’s his best and only signature. But tomorrow, Doug returns to work as a physician, perhaps he’ll receive some more autographs. But one thing is certain, he will be receiving lots of feedback and questioning about his cast color choice from co-workers and patients. We will stay tuned on that topic.
While the color of my husband’s cast hasn’t personally affected me (that’s a lie; men in pink are very sexy), his inability to be mobile has been huge. I’ve inherited many of his “manly” chores at home and in the process, have acquired some new skills. The winning job contenders I’ve inherited are: firing up the BBQ for a good grilling, and mowing the backyard.
My least favorite jobs thus far? It’s a toss up. There was the 3am investigation of the faulty smoke alarm that needed new batteries and was obnoxiously beeping every fourth minute— just long enough to drift back asleep and then be rudely awakened again and again and again. When I finally dragged my fanny out of bed, I actually couldn’t figure out which smoke alarm was beeping so I had to take them ALL down. This involved a long flight of stairs and a heavy ladder. Of course this would only happen when Doug was out of commission. I swear I saw him smile in his sleep when I finally got back to bed.
Other inherited jobs I haven’t enjoyed so much have involved being the heavy lifter for the family. I’ve had the opportunity to carry 6 large bags of soil, a 50 pound potted plant, a lawnmower, and our sleeping children back up into their high bunk beds. So Doug and I are both getting buff in these next couple months while he recovers; him from crutching around and me from all the heavy lifting he usually does.
But certainly there is another issue at hand: we are all victims of gender stereotyping in our culture. I can’t believe I had never mowed the lawn! And grilling burgers is a great experience! I’ve been speaking to my friends about my recent experience and it seems that I’m not the exception to the rule; there is a lot of gender division of labor. Usually there are a few surprises, like for example, I take out the garbage and Doug does the laundry. But chores do seem to divide down the gender line. I just need to stop calling chores “manly” because truly I have never felt like such a woman as I did when I was mowing the lawn last week!
The Pajama Drawer
July 14th, 2010My daughter and son are a year and a half apart. But since my son, who is the younger one, is pretty big for his age, we are always asked if they are twins. The kids share a bedroom. My daughter has her side; he has his. And like most siblings who share a bedroom, she has her clothes in her drawers and he has his clothes in his. There is one exception to this rule, the pajama drawer.
The pajama drawer belongs to both of them. It’s the free zone. All is fair play in the pajama drawer: the sports pajamas, the purple princess nightgown, the pirate top and shorts, the Barack Obama big oversized tee from the election, a couple old tie-dyes from my husband’s and my Grateful Dead days, and a fun assortment of other options.
I hate to admit it, but my kids have been socialized by the outside world’s expectations of how a girl or a boy should dress. I held out as long as I could. I started Handsome in Pink as the antedote to having my kids’ clothes choices fit into neat circular pegholes. I even repeated to them again and again that there is no such thing as “boys’ clothes” and “girls’ clothes”. But eventually, little by little, the outside message got to them and began unravelling my own. (Although they still happily don their gender neutral HiP attire so they are not a total lost cause.)
I realize many might be wondering why I wanted my kids to believe clothes are clothes and they aren’t for a particular gender. I have my reasons. First off, since my son at 2 and 3 years of age was insisting on dresses and pink and purple outfits, I certainly didn’t want his preferences squashed by his biggest idol, his sister. Secondly, I wanted to protect all children everywhere who were not conforming. It was my personal mission to be the mother of the last kids on earth who would ever question another child for the clothes choices they were making. Clothes are very personal; they can be an artistic, soulful expression of who we are that day, how we are feeling. No one should put limits on that for us.
As far as fashion is concerned, the pajama drawer has become a symbol to me of the last vestige of what society hasn’t beaten out of my children. At bedtime, the kids, without hesitation, will grab and wear any item in the drawer. I really like that. I wonder how much longer it will last…
